It may be December but our eyes are firmly fixed on April – the return of Game of Thrones for its final season!
Well, we’re not ready, Jon Snow! So this holiday season, we’ve asked for Game of Thrones gifts and our true love delivered.
Here’s a run down of our bounty (and, yes, SPOILERS ahead):
On the twelfth day of Game of Thrones my true love gave to me…
Twelve Double-crosses
Ok, so there are probably more than twelve of these in a show with this much backstabbing, but counting up our favorite gasp-worthy moments we got the following:
- Littlefinger warned you, Ned
- Cersei doesn’t care about your paper
- Jorah is spying on his once and future Khalessi
- JUST SEND NED TO THE WALL!
- Stannis (shadow Stannis, that is) kills his brother
- Theon betrays Robb and the entire Stark family
- Jeor Mormont is killed by his own men
- The. Red. Wedding.
- Joffrey is offed at his wedding (we’re ok with this one actually…)
- Shae testifies against Tyrion
- Lysa Arryn goes through the moon door
- Cersei makes the Great Sept go boom
Eleven Proclaimed Monarchs
Yep, count them up and we’ve seen eleven characters crowned as ruler of Westeros (officially or otherwise):
- King Robert Baratheon
- “King” Viserys Targaryen (too soon?)
- King Joffrey Baratheon
- King Stannis Baratheon
- King Renley Baratheon
- King Robb Stark
- King Balon Greyjoy
- King Tommen Baratheon
- Queen Cersei Lannister
- Queen Daenerys Targaryen
- King Jon Snow
Ten Siblings Fighting
Sibling rivalry at a whole new level:
- The Hound and The Mountain (The Cleganes)
- Viserys and Daenerys (The Targaryens)
- Cersei and Tyrion (The Lannisters)
- Stannis and Renley (The Baratheons)
- Balon and Euron (The Greyjoys)
Nine Noble Houses
Though many have fallen by now, there were indeed nine great houses at the start of the series:
- House Arryn
- House Baratheon
- House Greyjoy
- House Lannister
- House Martell
- House Stark
- House Targaryen
- House Tully
- House Tyrell
Eight Essos Locations
Everyone might be focused on Westeros but to the East there are lands and cities as intricate as the Seven Kingdoms. We’ve seen eight on the show so far:
- Astapor
- Braavos
- Meereen
- Pentos
- Qarth
- Vaes Dothrak
- Valyria
- Volantis
Seven Kingdoms to Conquer
I mean – this is a given:
- The North
- The Riverlands
- The Vale
- The Stormlands
- The Reach
- The Westerlands
- Dorne
Six Daenerys Titles
My oh my, can our girl rack up titles! For those keeping count, she is Daenerys Stormborn of House Targaryen, First of her Name:
- The Unburnt
- Queen of the Andals, the Rhoynar, and the First Men
- Queen of Meereen
- Khalessi of the Great Grass Sea
- Breaker of Chains
- Mother of Dragons
Five Valyrian Steels
Yeah, these have become pretty critical (in case you forgot – they seem to be the only things that can kill Walkers). As of now, we’re aware of five blades made of this magic metal:
- Oathkeeper – currently carried by Brienne of Tarth
- Widow’s Wail – currently carried by Jaime Lannister
- Longclaw – currently carried by Jon Snow
- Heartsbane – currently carried by Samwell Tarly
- nameless dagger – currently carried by Arya Stark
Four Living Starks
Speaking of Starks – the Wolfpack has certainly thinned out but we still have some in play, namely:
- Sansa Stark
- Brandon Stark
- Arya Stark
- Jon Snow-Stark-Targaryen (on his mother’s side!)
Three Hatched Eggs
They’re so cute when they are babies! Everyone’s favorite dragons are:
- Drogon
- Rhaegal
- Viserion – RIP
Two Grim Weddings
Wedding colors mean something very, VERY different in Westeros. If your wedding has a color associated with it, bad stuff probably went down there. And while one was heart-breaking and the other was cheer-inducing, they were both pretty grim for the guests:
and an Ice Dragon Destroying the Wall
Can it be April, please? Prepare for the return of Game of Thrones by watching (or re-watching) all seven seasons of DIRECTV. Add HBO now!
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